You Talk Too Much!


Have you ever known someone who talks nonstop, the type of person with whom you can never get a word in edge wise?  Of course you do.  They are the proverbial chatty Charlie or chatty Cathy.  Of course, some of us are more talkative than others, and there is no clear-cut definition as to when the line is crossed between being chatty and wearing you out.  The answer is – it depends!  That is, it depends on you, as everyone has a different threshold.  What are some of the reasons chatty people talk so much?  Consider these possibilities.

You talk too much
This Driver might appear to be winning her argument, but is this Amiable actually listening?

The person you are talking with is anxious about the situation they are in, the surroundings they are in or about the fact they are speaking with you.  If you are an executive or are perceived to hold a position of power, people might have anxiety speaking with you.  Their nervous reaction is to keep talking.  Another possibility is that this person wants everyone they speak with to share their point of view, and they believe the only way to get you to listen is to tell you everything they know.  They don’t see themselves as trying to influence you so much as to teach you about what they now.  Yet another possibility is that they want others to see themselves as having status, as being the one in charge, or the one who knows the most.  We might see any of these people as being really friendly – or really irritating – depending on the type of people we are.  To understand the type of people we are, we have to look at social styles.  Founded by the Tracom, Group, Social Styles® is the world’s leading behavioral style model.  Only by better understanding ourselves can we more effectively communicate with others.  According to this model, there are four unique social styles, as discussed below.

Analytical Style.  These type of people are thinkers, and need a lot of information before making decisions.  They typically ask a lot of questions.  They often feel the need to be correct.

Amiable Style.  These type of people are focused on relationships and are often seen as friendly and warm.  They openly show emotions and feel the need for personal security.

Driver Style.  These type of people are seen as action oriented, efficient and assertive.  They are typically quick to act but slower to listen.

Expressive Style.  These type of people are creative and enjoy sharing ideas and perspective with others.  Ultimately, they thrive off spontaneity and need personal approval.

While the full scope of understanding of this behavioral model is beyond the scope of this column, it allows you to think about your style and how to best interact with others whose style you perceive to be very different from your own.  For example, imagine a situation where a driver is in conflict with an amiable.  The amiable person perceives the driver to be acting without listening, and has been hiding how they feel about it.  Meanwhile, the driver person perceives the amiable as someone who is not focused strongly enough on action, because they are always talking.

In the final analysis, you can only control yourself.  Resolution is most achievable and yields the best outcomes when two things happen.

A.  You understand your social style and how you might be perceived by others

B.  You adapt your behavior to become more in sync with the other person’s social style, thereby reducing conflict and enhancing true communication

For a deeper understanding of this topic, please visit https://tracom.com/social-style-training/